On Names and Naming
by Gaila
Summary: DH-compliant one-shot. Ron and Hermione struggle to agree on a name for their son.


On Names and Naming

"How many times have I told you: you can't just pick out names the way you pick out robes," Hermione admonished her husband, "It has to be something special."

"Well, I'd say _Seyton_ is special all right," Ron muttered, shaking his head.

"It's from Shakespeare." Hermione protested. "He's one of the greatest playwrights in history. Any child should be honored to be named after a character in one of Shakespeare's plays."

"You know what, Hermione, why not skip Seyton and go straight to Beelzebub, or Lucifer, or Mephistopheles."

"Don't be ridiculous, Ron, they're not even spelled the same. Seyton is S-e-y-t-o-n and Satan is S-a-t-a-n. They're clearly different."

"Right. When the Deputy Head announces our son's name to the whole school, it will be a great comfort to know that the names aren't _spelled_ the same."

* * *

"Hermione, what do you think of the name _Sean_?" 

"Maybe…"

"You don't like it."

"It's not that I don't like it, Ron… It's just so—normal."

"That's why I mentioned it."

* * *

"Stephen Orpheus." 

Ron set down his coffee and looked up from the morning _Prophet_. "Good morning to you too, dear."

"No, Ron, for the baby. Stephen is a nice, normal name—you can't object on that count—but it still has a rich history. I think we've found our name."

"Stephen Orpheus Weasley?"

"Yes." Hermione reached across the table for the newspaper.

"But Hermione: the initials."

"So?"

"No, Hermione, not _so_: sow. S-O-W. Sow."

"Oh."

* * *

"Hermione?" 

"…"

"Can I make a couple of baby name suggestions?"

"…"

"Hermione?"

"…"

"Never mind. I'll ask you in the morning."

* * *

It was a Saturday afternoon. Hermione and Ron were taking advantage of the quiet afforded by Rose's naptime to get some work done. 

"Ron, do settle down so I can concentrate."

Ron looked up confusedly from the report he was reading. "What?"

"Not you, Ron." Hermione put her hand on her stomach. "Your son."

"But you said _Ron_." Ron pointed out unnecessarily.

"Well, yes." Hermione agreed. "That's to be his name."

"But Hermione, that's _my_ name."

"I know. I think it's a perfectly lovely name. Don't you agree, Ron?"

"Hermione, it's not that it's not a nice name…"

"I was talking to _Ron, _Ron, not to you."

"But I am Ron. The name's taken."

Hermione ignored him. "It came to me last night when I was reading that book your mother gave me. We can follow the tradition."

Ron set down the report resignedly. "What tradition?"

"You do know why so many of the old pureblood families named their firstborn sons after their fathers?"

"To save paperwork when the heir took over his father's estate?" Ron suggested.

"Well, that too. But mostly because there are charms that you can use on your firstborn to increase his magical potential. We wouldn't perform the charms, of course. They didn't work anyway, and they may even have been responsible for a lot of the squib births in the 17th and 18th centuries, but we could still follow the tradition with the naming. "

"Right." Ron looked skeptical. "So you want to name our child after a…what was basically a _curse_?"

"Well, when you put it that way…"

"I thought not."

* * *

"Zebediah?" 

"No." Ron was emphatic.

"Why not?"

"It's too hard to pronounce. And too long."

* * *

"We could still name him after someone in your family," Hermione suggested. 

"We could." Most of the people in Ron's family had reasonable names. Ron thought they had a chance of coming up with some reasonable ideas.

"How about Bilius?"

Ron groaned.

* * *

"Hermione, I think I've finally found a name we'll both like." 

"Oh?" Hermione reached for a napkin to wipe the mashed potatoes off of Rose's forehead. "What?"

"Hugo."

"Hugo Weasley. It actually sounds kind of nice. And Hugo isn't too common."

"—But it's common enough that everyone will be able to say it—"

"And you know that Victor Hugo wasn't just a famous writer, either; he was also a human rights activist."

"—which would give the child something to aspire to." Ron agreed, starting to feel relieved.

Hermione frowned slightly. "Only there's no connection to _us._ I had sort of wanted the child to be named after you."

She picked up Rose, whose head was bobbing dangerously close to her dinner plate. It wouldn't be the first time she had fallen asleep at the table.

"Actually, Hermione," Ron knew he was pressing his luck here, but he had to try. "Rose was sort of named after me. Ron and Rose both start with the letter 'R'. And Hermione and Hugo both start with 'H'. So—even if no one but us realizes it—our children would be named after us, in a way."

Hermione smiled at him. "Ronald Weasley, you are brilliant."

"Always the tone of surprise."

Hermione stood up to take Rose to her bedroom.

"Hugo Weasley. I like it."

_Fin._

* * *

P.S. Ron does not yet realize it, but the initials HW spell out a common abbreviation for homework. It will be several years before Hermione informs Ron of this. Ron will reply with, "Well, at least they don't spell out _SPEW_." The two will start speaking to each other again within a few hours.

Hugo won't make the connection until much later, when the (misinterpreted) phrase "do HW" on his girlfriend's to-do list will lead to an initially awkward but ultimately rewarding discussion about their relationship and values.

Hugo Weasley will inherit his father's taste in names, for which his children will be very grateful. Unfortunately, the same can not be said for Rose.


End file.
